I’m not very patient

In an earlier post I discussed my thoughts and feelings related to being an adoptee (see Curiosity hasn’t killed this cat). Much of my curiosity stems from not truly knowing who I am. Sure, I have been told that I am Irish and German, and that would not be a problem with me if I believed it, but I don’t.

Well, soon some of my questions will be answered. I have recently submitted my DNA to Ancestry.com for genetic testing. I am eager to view and ponder whatever the results are.  So eager in fact, that I have checked my e mail hourly since I mailed the results in. I didn’t even give my DNA time to make its journey from my mailbox to Utah before I began checking. Many aspects of life that required patience when I was a young person, no longer come with a waiting period. Many things can be done instantaneously via the internet, and this makes waiting hard for me. Plus I have technically waited for many years for this information, and am ready for whatever I find (I think).

I already have a preconceived idea in my head of what the results will be. Will the truth be confirming or disruptive? I can honestly say I will be surprised and somewhat dismayed if I am simply Irish and German. Not because there is anything negative associated with this, but merely due to this not lining up with what I have thought and been questioned about all these years. Throughout my life I have been asked “Where are you from? You don’t look, act, seem like you are from here.” I never knew how to respond to that as a child, except to assume that to outsiders I was viewed as different somehow. Couple this with the many ways I perceived  myself as different, and you have the recipe for an uncertain adolescent and young adult. Although now I embrace my differences, my curiosity about myself has not diminished.

As many questions as this DNA test may answer, it may bring up that many more too. What if my results are wildly different than I expect? This test may connect me to relatives that I have never known, or I may not EVER find any biological relatives. What if I find them but they don’t want to know me? Am I ready for that kind of rejection? I believe I am. This DNA test was solely for me to find out my ethnicity; nothing more, nothing less. Whatever else comes from it I think I can handle, but we will see.

I am planning on sharing my results in a future blog, as soon as I come to terms with who I am. I hope my readers will enjoy learning more about me right along with me. Please check back soon.

When I was a child and wrote to pen pals, we often included this silly quote on the envelope to ensure that our letter was delivered in a timely manner: “Mr. postman don’t be slow, take this letter and go, go, go.” (This was before the days of being politically correct, and our ‘postman’ was in fact a woman) I wanted to write it on the DNA sample, but I don’t think it really lit a fire under the mail carrier anyway. For now, I will just have to use every patience related skill that I have until I get my results. What I do know is that the wait will be much shorter than it has been thus far.




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